Emotions: exhilarating, meandering, and sometimes uncontrollable.
They shape much of our lives – how we think, relate to others, how we behave, and how we make decisions.
Yet in Singapore’s efficiency-driven, high-performance culture, speaking openly about feelings is often seen as a sign of weakness or over-sensitivity.
We’re often taught to keep emotions “in check,” equating composure with strength and silence with professionalism.
But is it healthy to suppress our emotions?
Research suggests otherwise. When we ignore our emotions or prevent them from being expressed, they don’t go away. They linger and resurface in other ways: tension in our bodies, overthinking, feeling misunderstood in relationships, or even burnout.
Suppressed emotions can even contribute to chronic stress, anxiety, and physical health issues over time.
Thus, understanding how to work with our emotions, and not against them, is foundational for emotional wellbeing.
This is where emotional intelligence and emotional regulation comes in.
Emotional Intelligence vs Emotional Regulation
Emotional intelligence, also known as Emotional Quotient or EQ, is the capacity to recognise, understand, and manage our emotions, and to perceive and respond to the emotions of others. These skills are increasingly seen as essential not just in our personal relationships, but in the workplace too.
From a positive psychology perspective, emotional intelligence plays a vital role in wellbeing. It helps us navigate many aspects of what it means to thrive, from cultivating positive emotions to building deeper social connections. People with higher emotional intelligence tend to experience more joy, gratitude, and empathy in everyday life.
The term “emotional intelligence” was originally introduced by Peter Salovey and John D. Mayer in the 1990s, and later brought into public awareness by psychologist Daniel Goleman.
At its core, emotional intelligence includes key abilities such as:
- Emotional understanding: making sense of what we’re feeling and why.
- Emotion management: choosing how to respond in helpful ways.
Emotional regulation, a part of emotion management, is more about the behaviours through which we manage our inner world.
It is about being able to intentionally influence how we experience and express emotions, for example, calming ourselves in moments of stress, reframing negative thoughts, or communicating feelings in constructive ways.
People with high emotional intelligence are also better at knowing when and how to adapt different emotional regulation tools in various situations.
They might choose to express their feelings in one moment, or step away to cool down in another. This flexibility makes them better at managing stress, navigating conflict, and supporting others.
Emotional Intelligence vs Emotional Regulation
Having a strong foundation in emotional intelligence, paired with the ability to regulate our emotions, fosters emotional wellbeing: the internal experience of feeling balanced, connected, and able to cope with challenges.
By tuning in to ourselves, we notice what we’re feeling, and are more able to choose how to respond.
Instead of reacting on impulse, we might
- Pause to take a breath before speaking in anger.
- Step away from a heated situation and return when we’re calmer.
- Reframe a setback as a learning opportunity.
- Name the emotion we’re feeling to make sense of it, for example: “I’m not just stressed, I’m overwhelmed because I feel unsupported”.
- Choose to speak honestly about how we feel instead of bottling it up.
- Practise self-compassion in moments of failure, reminding ourselves that it’s okay to struggle sometimes.
This is helpful beyond our personal lives. They’re crucial at work too. Studies show that people with high emotional intelligence are better at handling stress, giving feedback, and building more resilient teams. Employers increasingly value EQ even more than technical skills.
Expressing Emotions as Emotional Regulation
When we talk about emotional regulation, we often think of calming down or shifting our thoughts. But one of the most powerful ways to regulate our emotions is to express them.
Expression gives our emotions somewhere to go. By naming what we feel, putting it into words, or sharing it with someone we trust, we help our minds and bodies process the emotion. This can bring clarity, relief, and a sense of being understood.
Think of what happens when we say, “I’m feeling overwhelmed today,” or “That really hurt my feelings.” These simple moments of honesty help us stay connected to ourselves, and they invite others into our emotional world. Expression can be verbal or non-verbal. Our tone, posture, and facial expressions all play a role.
Rather than venting without filters, it’s about grounded expression: speaking from awareness rather than impulse. When emotions are expressed with care, they become easier to understand, easier to carry, and less likely to build up over time.
Try this simple activity the next time you feel a strong emotion:
Pause for a moment and name the feeling as precisely as you can.
Is it frustration, embarrassment, sadness, or something else? Then ask yourself: What is this emotion trying to tell me?
Notice where in the body you are feeling the emotion. Notice the sensations.
This is an important step as you become the observer of the emotion, rather than being swept away by it.
From there, try writing it down, speaking it aloud to yourself, or sharing it with someone you trust.
Notice if the emotion shifts once it’s acknowledged and expressed.
You’re not trying to “fix” the feeling, just to give it space. That simple act of expression can be regulating in itself.
Other Forms of Emotional Regulation
Expressing emotions is an important part of the picture, but it’s just one of many ways we can regulate how we feel.
Here are more research-backed strategies of emotional regulation to stay grounded and flexible, especially under stress.
Mindfulness
Mindfulness means noticing what’s happening in the moment, simply observing any thoughts, feelings, and sensations that may arise without fixing or judging them.
When we pause and simply observe our emotions, we’re less likely to be swept away by them. Over time, this builds emotional clarity and resilience.
Research on mindfulness has revealed a wide range of benefits, including improved mood, focus, and memory, as well as reduced stress, better sleep, and greater emotional awareness.
Mindfulness helps us learn to sit with emotional discomfort without reacting on autopilot.
Cognitive Reappraisal
This is the skill of seeing things from a different angle – what psychologists call reframing.
Instead of thinking, “I failed,” you might shift to, “That was tough, but I learned something important.”
Reappraisal doesn’t just make us feel better in the moment. It builds emotional flexibility and helps us respond to challenges more constructively over time.
It’s also a key technique used in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), one of the most well-established approaches for managing anxiety, depression, and stress.
Research shows this strategy is linked to better mental health, stronger relationships, and even physical wellbeing. It’s a powerful tool in the emotional intelligence toolkit.
Self-Compassion
Many of us are harder on ourselves than we’d ever be on a friend. But in beating ourselves up, we are also wearing ourselves down.
Self-compassion means speaking to ourselves with kindness, recognising that struggle is part of being human, and staying mindful of our emotions instead of getting lost in them.
Psychologists have found that people who practise self-compassion bounce back from setbacks more easily, feel less anxious, and show more emotional stability.
Ways to Improve Your Emotional Intelligence
Emotional intelligence isn’t something we’re born with, it’s something we learn.
Through life experience, relationships, and intentional effort, we can all grow in how we understand and navigate emotions.
Here are a few everyday ways to deepen emotional intelligence:
- Check in with yourself. Ask: “What am I feeling right now?” Naming the feeling helps us gain clarity and distance.
- Reflect before reacting. Pause after emotional moments and consider what triggered you and how you responded.
- Practise empathy. Try to understand what someone else might be feeling, not just what they said or did.
- Expand your emotional vocabulary. Being able to name specific emotions like “shame,” “guilt,” or “relief” helps us better understand and express ourselves.
- Invite feedback. Honest reflections from others can help us see blind spots in how we show up emotionally.
- Be patient and kind with yourself. Growth takes time. Emotional intelligence deepens not through perfection, but through practice.
Over time, as we grow this awareness, we gain more choice in how we respond to life, especially in moments that test us.
Enjoy The (Emotional Rollercoaster) Ride!
Emotional intelligence doesn’t mean staying calm at every twist and turn.
It’s about tuning in to what’s happening inside us and learning to meet it with compassion and curiosity rather than control.
When we can recognise that emotions are energy in motion, we can learn how to channel that energy to support, rather than hinder, our wellbeing.
And we can develop this skill by noticing our emotions, understanding what they’re telling us, and responding with intention rather than impulse.
In a culture that often prizes composure over candour, emotional intelligence helps us ride the highs and lows with greater self-awareness, authenticity, and a sense of inner steadiness.
Want to learn more about the psychology of emotions, and how they play an integral role in our wellbeing and mental health? Discover our accredited Graduate and Postgraduate programmes, or get in touch with us to find out more!
